Download: What to Avoid in an Argument with Your Spouse
- Angela McGuire
- Jul 1, 2020
- 4 min read
As a spit fire French and Lebanese Woman who can flare up fast, this hit home with me. I was pondering recently on the subject of handling disagreements and realized that it really is important to have a game plan ready for all situations. One of those situations that we should be mentally prepared for is arguments with our spouses or a loved one and determining ahead of time how we will conduct ourselves.
It dawned on me that we, as people, develop emergency plans or game plans for all sorts of situations that may or may not ever occur in our lifetime, we of course always hope they never occur.
But we are prepared for what to do if they do occur. Foe example we prepare for what to do for if there is a fire.
What to do in a Tornado.
What to do in an active shooter situation.
The list can goes on but generally you have an idea of how you will react should such a situation occur. You act it out in your mind, you might physically pretend to act it out to help you be better prepared, but the idea is if the even happens, you will be ready and act appropriately.
I think it is important to have a game plan in place for something that almost is guaranteed to occur several times in our lives, which is experiencing disagreements and arguments.
You need to be mentally prepared for what will you do when your hot buttons are pressed?
How will you react? How will you prevent the situation from turning into something you can never turn back from? How will you prevent something disastrous from happening?
Things can get out of hand quickly in the heat of the moment. When you are blazing with fury you are not thinking. And you want it to be an argument you can quickly heal from and not turn into one that will destroy your relationship or family.
Please download and print this list (link below) and rehearse it many times in your head. In your mind or when you are alone, act out what you will do at your angriest. How you will diffuse the situation. What you will avoid. Be prepared now so when it happens all can be healed and recovered.
Download:
Now to break this list down, keep in mind it is in no particular order:
1. Do not take off your wedding ring - This symbolizes that you think your relationship is just disposable whenever it is tested. When things don't go your way you are ready to throw it all away. It is much easier to quickly recover from a bad argument when throughout it you show you are still bonded. And I get it! At that moment you may want nothing to do with your spouse. Being bonded might be the last thing you want to be. However, under God, you are bonded and you need to mentally prepare to not take off your ring no matter how you feel.
2. Do not throw or break things - One of the first reactions you may have if you can't take your anger physically out on the person you are mad at is to throw something to get that aggression out. But this can be a very threatening gesture. Be sure you never throw something at your partner. Do not break something just to spite him. Especially something you know he likes. You will and I repeat, you will regret it if you do. You have to rehearse not acting out violently.
3. Do NOT get violent. No hitting, slapping or shoving or anything else violent.
This is domestic violence. This is just wrong, you are better then this, don't stoop to this level. If you are that upset back away from the situation, go for a walk, go for a jog, just leave the situation. I've been there and felt the urge where you just want to slap that person so bad, and that my dear is when you get away from the situation. Violence is illegal and you very well may end up in jail with something permanent on your record. This can cause total devestation to your relationship and family, ending your marriage and possibly resulting in not being able to see your children or having limited visitation. It's just not worth it for that split moment of anger and loss of control.
4. Do NOT get verbally abusive or name call- This is another form of domestic abuse and as much as your anger boils and bubbles to the surface bringing out every deep emotion and feeling you ever had about them, avoid hurtful names. Again if you need step away from the situation. Announce you need ten minutes alone to cool down and once again go for a walk or find a private place to be. Please avoid driving until you are cooled off. You don't want to be distracted or overly emotional causing risk to your life and others. Others shouldn't have to suffer for your conflict.
5. Do not get in their face - This just eggs on a physical altercation or can be perceived as a threat and then things can get dangerous and ugly
6. DO know when to walk away and Verbalize you need to cool down - You need to learn to recognize when you've hit your boiling point. And before you get to that boiling point, you need to walk away. Go for a walk around the block, go for a jog but get away from the situation. Let the person know you will be right back you just need to cool off. Sometimes the other person might freak out if they think you are leaving and they don't know when and if you will be back. Quickly voice you are coming right back and go cool off. Even if you just need to shut yourself in the closet and breathe for 10 minutes, it is better then regretting something the rest of your life.
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